There’s this thing these days that people are referring to as “niceness culture” or “a culture of niceness.” Most modern thought about it has to do with the hazards of such a culture in the workplace. As an employer, I see it very clearly.

When it comes to problem-solving, planning, even discipline, it is entirely possible to be too nice. Rather than rework the many articles that have been published about the problems of toxic niceness in companies, I want to address similar questions as it relates to Christianity and the ever-expanding identification with Jesus Christ as a teddy bear god.

Discipleship of this false god involves victimhood, toleration of sin, and the doctrine of eat, drink, and be merry (2 Nephi 28:8). The belief is that because this god is all about love, the deeds we do, no matter how injurious to others, will be forgiven without repentance.

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I’ve been thinking long and hard about the many challenges I’ve faced from people of the opinion that a gay man has no chance of having a long, successful marriage.

One solitary statement made by a detratcor was this: “Gay people and straight people cannot attach to one another.” While I can’t claim to know enough about what internal struggles other same-sex attracted men have experienced, they surely can’t claim to know enough about my internal struggles that lead me to see my life differently than they see theirs. (more…)

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See below*

I recently came across a story** about an Anglican vicar who  regularly preached about the love of God and the hope of eternal life because of the mercy God shows to those who believe in him.

Much of his preaching was also about the effects of God’s love on our lives, how he deals mercifully with us from day to day, despite our many failings.

His flock took great comfort in his words and he was well-loved. He was tolerant, kind, and had a knack for solving mysteries. (more…)

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It’s a common question you hear when we Mormons are trying to share our religion. For us, it is the crux of understanding our basic doctrine about life and its purpose. It’s a question I like. The other two questions that often go along with it are:

“Who Am I?”

“Where Am I Going After This Life?”

(more…)

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I know I’m behind the times in writing about this now. I’ve had a two-month illness that has kept me from the keyboard for anything but the most urgent business needs. Seems like things like this happen when I can’t write about them and I’m always playing catch-up with the current events. I’ve thought about it ever since it happened, deeply and with a lot of introspection and nostalgia.

I’m referring to when a 12-year-old girl named Savannah used fast and testimony meeting to “come out” to her congregation that she is gay. I don’t want to break the incident down into fault-finding or criticism of either Savannah, her parents, family, or priesthood leaders. I think a lot of very opportunistic people have already done that ad nauseum, and usually without truly knowing what was happening in any of their hearts and minds. I’ll admit before I say anything else that I don’t read minds, especially long distance, so to blame people would be nothing more than political posturing and I won’t do that. (more…)

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On 7/21/2017, I had come home early from work because Barbara told me that our daughter Melissa and the triplets were coming over and I wanted to help make dinner for them. I baked some biscuits and then kept part of the dough to make wiener wraps for them. I got the biscuits done and had rolled up the sausage dogs into the dough and put them in the fridge until Barbara was supposed to show up with the kids.

While relaxing between cooking and the arrival, I got a call from a friend, who was also supposed to come for dinner. He said that he had a blowout on the way to our house and that he was close to our church building, so he was going to pull in there. He said he needed the bathroom and I figured I would have to let him into the church building with my key.

On the way, I called Barbara to see if she had picked Melissa and the kids up. She said that she was at the church building too, that Melissa told her to meet them there. When I got there, Melissa came out of the building and my friend ran in.

(more…)

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Art and creation is a process and nearly always an opportunity for growth and development. Quite often, creating anything though is bound to get messy. (more…)

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Something seems to be fleeing quickly out of this world and it saddens me to see it go. With social media, I daily witness examples of the demise of kindness in our daily communications. I think we ought to really call it, “antisocial media,” because it is increasingly devoid of civility. If kindness ever leaves completely, I fear we are doomed. There will be no turning back.

Incivility takes many forms, some subtle, others blatant. Hurling epithets, oppressive name-calling, and the indiscriminate use of profanity are not the only ways to be unkind. Deceit, rumor-mongering, veiled threats, and not-so-righteous indignation all perpetuate a climate of ill will. (more…)

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It has been a long time since I’ve written here. Yesterday, one of my neices asked me if I was writing, and the only thing I could claim to be writing lately is progress notes and technical manuals. I could’ve probably have added abuse and incident reports.

I started a new business with my best friend and have been so locked into the never-ending due dates that I don’t really even have time to think about writing other things. Today, though, I feel the need to speak out about something that has been very much in my mind and heart lately.

I always wanted to be some kind of social worker and for the last 12 years, I’ve been one. The joy of helping people who are at a disadvantage has exceeded my expectations of what it would be like. It balances out my other job as a software engineer. (more…)

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This hymn has been on my mind a lot lately. Somewhat intentionally to be sure. It’s a hymn that’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and was one of my father’s favorite hymns. I’m at a point in my life where it’s become even more meaningful; especially the last verse.  (more…)

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Guy Newgren, Sr.

Last week, I attended a funeral for a man I first met at his son’s funeral. Guy Newgren, Jr. and Guy Newgren, Sr. both came into my life at opposite ends of a personal journey of mine. The time I have know Guy Newgren the elder spans a part of my life that represents the most growth I’ve experienced and he was a big part of it. Who I was when I met the son and who I was when the father passed away are two very different men. (more…)

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James Tissot
The Healing of Ten Lepers

I’ve been part of support groups that help men who are attracted to men since 1994. After twenty-two years, you’d think I wouldn’t need them anymore. Most people’s attitude about support groups is that, if you join one at all, you should stay just long enough to get your life back on track, and then leave.

I spent the first thirty-eight years of my life in hiding from everyone, including, in many ways, myself. Finding support groups saved me and helped me see that there was no real reason to hide, especially from myself. (See Knowing Worth and Worth Knowing: What Support Groups Did For Me.)

With the new confidence I gained from coming to understand that I was not alone and that I had great worth in the sight of God, I probably could have stopped going to support groups at some point. Many people think I should. I haven’t and I’d like to explain why. (more…)

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In 1947, the song writing team of Lerner and Loewe created a musical called “Brigadoon.” It’s a fantasy that takes place in the highlands of Scotland in a village that only appears once every 100 years. One of the songs that I’ve always loved and always brings tears to my eyes is called “There But For You Go I.” (more…)

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If you knew me 22 years ago, you would have not really have known me. Who I was on the inside and who I was on the outside were two different men. There’s an old Freudian-type of idea that men with facial hair are symbolically hiding something. I don’t really buy that idea, but for me I think it was true.

It’s hard to describe the inside-man. So much time has passed since I knew him that I don’t remember him that well.
(more…)

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I grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) and knew that genealogy was an important thing. When I was very little, I didn’t know why, but my mother was into it, my aunts were into it, and my grandmother was really into it. She lived in a trailer behind my aunt Jaquita’s house. We often visited there and I always spent a little time with Granny.

By the time I started to get to know her, the ravages of health problems, including diabetes, had already made her seem older to me than anyone else I knew. There was a woman in my congregation back in California who was almost 100 and Granny looked older than she did. She always wanted a kiss on the cheek and I reluctantly complied. (more…)

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